The memory still fresh in my mind, of words cascading from my fingertips with ease, now chafes like an unwelcome rash. I remember the thrill of weaving words together, painting a vivid picture of journeying through the labyrinthine souk in Damascus. Having always had a deep love for the written word, it wasn’t until I poured my soul into my memoir that I discovered my own ability to wield them. The feeling of finally having found my voice was too intoxicating to resist. I vowed to cling to this new writer identity I had stumbled upon.
Fresh from the triumph of completing my manuscript, I planted the seeds of two Substack newsletters, aiming to keep my newfound writing muscles flexed. Yet, as the days unfolded in humdrum daily life, devoid of dramatic highs and lows that fueled my memoir, I felt the spark of creativity ebb. I now question the fit of the writerly label I had worn on my head, not so long ago, like a crown. Am I truly a writer if I find myself dependent on the presence of an external spark, I have no control of, to activate the parting of the dam, enabling the free flow of words? Why do I feel no compulsion to pen my thoughts on days I am simply existing, preferring instead to read the words of others, watch moving images on the screen, or converse with other humans?
When prior commitments prevented me from meeting the word count I’d set for myself on a particular weekend, I recall my writing coach assuring me that it was permissible to live life instead of merely writing about it. I can only hope my imagination will spread its clipped wings someday. Until then, I will content myself with gathering the ingredients to awaken its aroma.
Luckily, I am holidaying in the writing-inducing Kashmir Valley for another two days–let’s see what I can make of the Kashmir spark!
A beautifully crafted and vulnerable reflection —which makes it all the more powerful! Love seeing you sitting in this cafe and knowing that you are exploring Kashmir! Definitely look forward to hearing your insights from this gorgeous, contested part of the world.